No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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