I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
