i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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