she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
