The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
