Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
