this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
