hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
