you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize