Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
