If i come over, it means nothing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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