my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
