when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
