About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
