I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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