i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize