are you so shy because you have an std?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
