Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
