thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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