I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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