im about as happy as oj after his trial
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
