New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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