every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
