The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
