i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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