i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
