I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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