idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
