It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
