Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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