i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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