I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
