Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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