If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
