when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize