But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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