Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
