I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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