my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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