Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
