You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
