so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
