Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
