I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
