You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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