I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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