He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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