i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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