I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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