Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
