Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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