I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
