PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
