giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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