I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
