I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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