eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
