You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
