if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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