somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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