I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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