i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
