Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
