I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
