whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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