He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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