omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
