Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
