So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
